I haven’t slept in over a week. Not really slept. And what sleep I do get I dream really vivid dreams. I need to focus and I can’t. If you ask me even the most common question I have problems coming up with an answer. Between overthinking and being terribly exhausted I’m terrified I’m doing everything wrong. My mind chases every bunny trail and try’s to convince me that that is how things are going to be. No matter how crazy. I’m so scared I’m ruining things that it’s making my anxiety bad so it’s a battle between the two. How bad I just want to cuddle up and sleep. Really sleep. I don’t want to think about these 400 different projects or if penguins have knees, I just want some rest. All my fears start knocking now and causing me to think about them and it makes me very scared. I don’t really know how to handle this all that well. And really I just feel like crying. I haven’t felt this way in a long time and I hate it.
Sometimes it’s absolutely necessary to have a break from the world. To step back and breathe. I sat in the sunshine on the beach this past week and just took in what was around me. The hot sand and the water crashing, the little birds hopping around me. It was the first time in a long time my mind felt silent and at peace. I hadn’t had a real vacation in 3 years. I had been burning the candle at both ends and not taking care of myself. Sometimes you need to step back and be a little selfish and make sure that you are taken care of that your mind has a chance to be quiet and rest. Right now I’m sitting on my couch listening to the rain pour down and the wind whip the trees outside my windows. I’m taking a break from my day of work and customers and being sick and I’m just breathing. Quieting my thoughts. It will be there tomorrow so don’t worry about it right now. Work is still there, the dishes are still there but that’s ok. You need to take a few minutes to not dwell on all that and take a break and IT IS OK. REST!