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Day in the Life of a Manic 

I haven’t slept in over a week. Not really slept. And what sleep I do get I dream really vivid dreams. I need to focus and I can’t. If you ask me even the most common question I have problems coming up with an answer. Between overthinking and being terribly exhausted I’m terrified I’m doing everything wrong. My mind chases every bunny trail and try’s to convince me that that is how things are going to be. No matter how crazy. I’m so scared I’m ruining things that it’s making my anxiety bad so it’s a battle between the two. How bad I just want to cuddle up and sleep. Really sleep. I don’t want to think about these 400 different projects or if penguins have knees, I just want some rest. All my fears start knocking now and causing me to think about them and it makes me very scared. I don’t really know how to handle this all that well. And really I just feel like crying. I haven’t felt this way in a long time and I hate it. 


Ice Queen

I am an Ice Queen,
With Ice Water pumping my cold concrete heart,
Rushing through my veins like an icy mountain river,
I am Numb,
With No feeling left,
I have started to freeze from the inside out,
Even tears drop from my face as snowflakes,
I am an Ice Queen,
Everything I touch freezes and dies,
I do not have the ability to create only to destroy,
I am an Ice Queen,
With no hope to defrost.

Welcome to the World

Welcome to the world they say as they smack you on the ass, wipe the goo off of you and wrap you in a cheap cotton blanket. You have your mother’s nose and your father’s eyes, hope you can grow up to make that work for you. For all of 2 seconds you were the most amazing thing in the world until the next sorry kid got pushed out. Now here you are, blinded by the bright lights, cold, hungry and sore. Everyone starts planning your future and before you leave the 4th floor you’re already suppose to be a doctor or lawyer or something dreadfully boring like that.

Time goes by and you are the apple of Mom and Dad’s eye. They think you can do no wrong, until you do. You yell and scream and so do they. And it hurts a little when you want to sit down now. Welcome to the world, sometimes it smacks you on the ass.

Time seems to drag on for you and you start to trust. You’re a good person so, so is everyone else, until they aren’t. Now that heart of yours that was so big and so willing to share is a little cracked now. Those promises didn’t mean nearly as much to them as they did to you. But welcome to the world, sometimes it’s cruel.

You look down and it’s years later. You think you have found the one you will love forever. You willing give up everything to make them happy. You would lasso the moon if they would but ask. The sun rises and sets in them, until they decide that you aren’t what they wanted anyway. Your heart feels like it has been ripped from your chest. That you might actually die from this, but why would you want to make it without them anyway? Welcome to the world, sometimes all it does is take.

Fast-forward 5 years you found the one this time. You are making the promises to love each other for the rest of forever. Everything about them is perfect and your life is a fairytale, until it isn’t. Now you’re all alone again. All those promises fell on deaf ears and no one really cared to listen to them anyway. But welcome to the world dear. You never were told this would be easy…